it's been a looooong time..

reader (s).. hello!! i apologize for this delay.. as you could tell from my last post, i had a little bit of mental clearing to do.. don't worry i wasn't in bed worrying and being sad.. i just needed to take some time for myself and to get back to where i felt i needed to be mentally.. i guess i'm kind of there.. we'll see :)

the last time i wrote it was all the way back in June.. about 2 months ago.. i'm approaching d-day!!! i cannot wait.. no, seriously.. i can't.. i will be at 35 weeks in 2 days and if lyla decides to join us in the next 2-3 weeks i will be the happiest mama in the world.. why so anxious? well.. let me update you on what's been going on the last few months.. so, pregnancy comes with all sorts of physical changes.. and they vary depending on the trimester.. so in the beginning.. some of us have to deal with nausea, bloating.. flatulence.. general "bla" feeling.. being so tired that we don't even make it to the bed which is a few feet away!! i also dealt with insomnia.. which was a first for me.. i now feel for everyone that has issues sleeping.. how is it even possible to be so tired and yet not be able to sleep?? it's a complete and total mystery to me.. we then move on to the 2nd trimester.. which is pure bliss.. back to feeling like ourselves.. not big enough to be uncomfortable just yet.. it's literally called the "honeymoon phase" of pregnancy.. now i know why.. which brings us to the 3rd trimester.. and in all honesty.. i know my case is unique.. but just like everything i write about on here.. this is my personal experience.. so here we go..

a little over a month ago i woke up to a horrible leg cramp.. i've never been flexible and having an even bigger belly in the way.. it was hard to reach my calf.. which also happened to be tangled in the covers.. i pulled and who knows what i did.. but i eventually was able to massage the pain away.. or so i thought.. later that day i noticed that i was walking weird.. not putting any pressure on a specific part of my foot.. i thought nothing of it.. this continued for a few days.. and as you all know.. when you overcompensate for one area of your body.. it will start being felt in another.. now i had my left foot which was off.. plus my right knee.. so i went to a podiatrist.. being pregnant, he couldn't do an x-ray but did an ultrasound on my foot, which was odd.. he confirmed we were having a baby girl.. lol :) anyway.. turns out i had some internal inflammation which would go away with advil.. but guess what.. you cannot take advil while pregnant.. or any anti-inflammatories for that matter.. he assured me it would go away just as randomly as it came..

it has now been about 5 weeks.. i limp everywhere.. my feet and ankles are unrecognizable and there are times i just look at them and think.. WHAT ARE YOU?? i know we pregnant ladies swell in certain areas.. but it is to the point of ridiculous.. i used to wear a size 7 or 7.5 or 8... depending on the cut of shoe.. i can BARELY fit into a 9 today.. i mean.. come on now.. trust me, i'm not the girl that harps on what size i am.. i stopped being that girl once i hit the double digits.. but as every "full-figured" girl knows.. we take pride in our shoes.. and their size.. so that's gone out the window now.. to recap, i am hobbling because of my internal inflammation.. waddling because my belly has pretty much taken over.. having back problems because of baby AND i haven't seen my feet in weeks or remember what my ankles look like.. welcome to the 3rd trimester..

this post has pretty much been a rant.. i know.. but i had to put it out there so that i can move on and focus on what's important here.. i know that this is all going to be worth it the second i see our little girl.. chances are.. i will have another baby or two after this.. i know this.. even my friend that i wrote about last time.. she only got to be a mama for a few minutes.. even she said it was all worth it.. and she hardly had a chance to enjoy her baby.. i seriously cannot wait to meet lyla.. i know she will continue to change my life.. she already has in so many ways, in all honesty.. jeremy and i can't seem to talk about much else.. she's already such a huge part of our lives.. sometimes it's hard to imagine what it was like before her.. weird, no? we still have so much to do to prepare for her arrival.. and in the beginning i was so nervous about labor.. and another friend of mine said it best.. she said.. when you get closer to your due date.. all you're going to want is to get this baby out.. however it happens.. you won't even care anymore.. she went on to say that the 40 weeks are more for us to prepare than for the baby.. it's making much more sense now.. i know labor won't be easy.. it can't be.. but i also know that it is probably even harder on our baby girl.. she has NO idea what's coming her way in a few weeks.. so i will focus on that.. it may be hard for me.. but at least i know what's happening.. it will be over in a few hours.. and then we get to officially start our family.. i cannot cannot cannot wait..

oh yeah.. before i sign off.. we started a baby pool.. it's $5 to pick a birth date.. i am going with september 25th and jeremy's going with the 29th.. we have dates ranging from september 19th to october 8th.. she's due october 5th and even though they say the first baby usually is late.. i think lyla will follow in my footsteps and be early.. just like i was.. after all, she is my baby girl!! :)

anxious cuppy

clearing my head..

i've always been the type of person that sorts jumbled thoughts via writing.. this is no exception..

being pregnant for the last 24+ weeks has been nothing short of amazing.. of course there have been moments of discomfort.. times when i look in the mirror and hardly recognize myself.. but all in all.. being pregnant has put me in tune with my body and made me very conscious of how unbelievable creating life, inside of me, really is.. i have always been on the heavier side.. have struggled with my weight for my entire life (we can exclude my first three months on this planet.. but from then on.. my pediatrician literally asked my mom to put me on a diet.. maybe he was on to something?).. but now that i am pregnant, it's changed.. i see my body differently - maybe i even respect it more.. i don't know if that makes any sense.. but when my biggest worry used to be what size i would fit into next time i shopped.. now i am just thrilled with my belly.. oddly enough.. there are days where you can't even tell there's a baby in there.. it may just look like some extra fat.. but i know what's in there.. i know she's in there and that my belly and my body in general are keeping my little girl safe..

along with all the joys.. excitement and "awesomeness" of pregnancy.. comes fear.. an unlimited amount of fear.. i pride myself on being a curious person, so i spend a good amount of time researching, reading and talking to other mamas.. in general, i like to be in control of situations.. i am not very comfortable with the unknown though i have taken many steps in my life completely blind.. i've been lucky, in all honesty.. but this whole pregnancy.. childbirth.. raising a human.. that's a whole other topic.. i am not going to get into all the thoughts that run through my mind.. there's really no need to get into that.. i am sure that every single mother out there has her own set of fears that i don't need to add to.. but just last week we started a childbirth class.. we went around the room, introduced ourselves and gave our due dates.. the instructor then asked us how we felt about actual labor.. i was honest.. i said "terrified".. because i am.. that's not to say i don't think i can do it - i KNOW i can.. but it's an extremely daunting situation.. the instructor seemed completely taken aback by my answer.. which, personally i find shocking.. of course i'm excited.. but i am also terrified.. there are a million things that i can read about every single day.. but until i'm in there.. and it's my time.. i have no real idea of what to expect.. maybe this isn't terrifying for the rest of the ladies in the class.. but it is to me.. they are all due in the next month or two (whereas we have till october).. and according to their responses.. they haven't had the time to think about labor.. is that possible?? you're due in a few weeks and you haven't thought about it?? i mean.. maybe they just cope with it that way.. but i would rather be as informed as possible once it's time to meet my baby..

when i started this blog, i just wanted to document this pregnancy.. something that i can show our baby once she's old enough to read.. something that i can look back on years from now.. in an ideal world.. i'd like to keep this going... you know.. something she can always look back on.. i may forget some of the stuff she did later.. but if i document it here, we will have a record.. and how awesome would that be? as i've been writing this post, i've been going back and forth in my mind about how much i can share on here.. i want this to be a forum where women can discuss how they feel.. it's not just a feel-good blog.. this is life afterall.. and sometimes, it gets ugly..

a few months ago i found out that one of my friends from college was pregnant and she was due this week.. considering no one else i know is pregnant right now, we've been spending a lot of time bbm'ing one another about how it's going and how we feel.. it's been great having someone to talk to that's been through it so recently.. with her being 3 months ahead of me, she was great with all the baby advice.. and body advice.. and so on.. her last status update mentioned how they were anxiously awaiting the birth of their baby boy.. that was about 4 days ago.. i wanted to give her some time.. you know, just in case they were in the hospital and all that.. so today i messaged her.. you know.. a message full of exclamation points and smiley faces.. i mean.. she's having a baby.. of course that's the kind of message i'd send.. a few minutes later she texted back.. her baby boy was born on the 17th.. he did not make it past the delivery room.. to say the least, i had no idea what to say.. this is a great girl.. married to a man who loves her.. their last few months have been planned around this baby boy.. and now this..

i am not writing this to depress anyone or to start some sort of panic.. but this was my friend's situation.. it's 2010 and complications during delivery still happen.. unfortunately.. the reason i am sharing this is because even though they were only a "mama and daddy" for a few seconds.. i can already see how it's changed her.. through all her grief.. she asked me about my baby.. "how's your little princess" she asked.. she followed that with saying that her and her husband were going to pull each other through this and that she knew her little boy would watch over them.. as we were ending our conversation, she asked me to say hello to my baby... i put my hand on my belly.. letting her know i was there.. and i swear i felt movement.. i haven't (officially) felt her kick yet.. but at that moment.. i could have sworn she was letting me know she was there.. like she knew i needed her to show me..

xo -
cuppy

it's been a looong time..

hello!! first off, apologies for taking the last few weeks off.. the reality is that i went down to mexico to visit family.. hung out there for about a week.. it was fun and perfectly timed! why? well, my brother just started a new position outside of mexico and i was super happy that i got to see the whole family in one place.. it will get expensive from here on out.. but we'll make it work, i'm sure :)

other than that, got back from mexico.. the hubby missed me while i was gone and even painted the makeshift nursery!!! the reason it's not a real nursery is because we live in a 1 bedroom.. so, i'm sure that you can imagine we don't have all the space in the world for baby.. but we're making due.. we even found a crib that will fit in the space that we have.. speaking of cribs, we went to babies r us a few weeks ago to get our registry started and readers, was it overwhelming!!! omg.. i thought a wedding registry was hard.. but at least back then we had an idea of what we wanted and needed.. when it comes to a new baby.. we honestly have no idea.. we're basically going off the checklists they provide, advice from friends and our lack of space.. those are our parameters - hopefully it'll all work out..

baby's been behaving.. i think i'm literally going to give birth to a zen master.. she's super calm.. not sure if she's kicking and punching yet.. because i haven't felt anything.. actually, i've been feeling different things.. just not sure if that's what i'm feeling, know what i mean?? my doctor says it will be very obvious in a few weeks.. so i'll just patient, i guess..

speaking of.. we're currently at week 22.. which according to baby books means that we're starting our 6th month.. i find that odd because i consider this our 5th month.. either way.. baby is now officially 1 pound and about 11 inches long.. crazy right??? i thought that a baby was born measuring about 14 inches.. jeremy said closer to 20... after doing some research i guess he's right.. but 20 inches.. what a giant!!! i guess we'll find out for ourselves in about 4 months..

ok.. not much else to say.. i wanted to update but after re-reading this, can't say i'm too impressed with this post.. so my apologies.. the next one will be better.. i promise!!

cuppy..

last thing.. lakers / celtics start tonight.. i'll be rooting for LA though i'm not a huge fan.. but gotta do it for the hubs.. oh well, i guess this is love :)

not much going on..

so.. it's slowly sinking in that puncakes is a baby girl.. it still feels weird to say "she".. or "her".. but now we know.. at least with a little over 90% certainty.. :) it's been a very good few days since the last post.. my brother was just offered a job.. and he will be moving to a new place.. doing new things.. and finally making some real money.. what's better than that?? as for me.. i'm officially no longer looking for a job.. at a little over 19 weeks, i'm starting to look preggers and i can't imagine going to interview a few months from now.. i'll just take this for what it is and enjoy a few months at home with our baby girl.. it's weird not looking for a job.. i feel like my job over the last 18 months has been to find a job.. obviously i haven't succeeded but i still had a purpose every day.. now i'm playing a waiting game..

other than my brother's news.. i will be going to see family in mexico for a little under a week.. jeremy will have the apartment allllll to himself and i'm sure that a big part of him is looking forward to some peace and quiet.. at least for a few days and then he'll start missing me.. and then i'll be back.. it all works out perfectly, don't you think?? anyway.. going to mexico from sunday morning to next saturday morning.. and while there, my mom is throwing me a baby shower!!! it's going to be interesting to say the least.. my mom's in her early 60's but for some strange reason, she hangs out with women wayyyyy older than her.. so that means that the average age at this baby shower will probably be closer to 75.. lol.. and i'm not even exaggerating!

speaking of baby showers.. i know that technically they're meant to be thrown much closer to the baby's due date.. but since my friends are on crazy schedules and don't live by me.. we're going to throw the US version at the end of june.. i will have some friends coming in for the dodger - yankee series that weekend.. so we thought, why not?? everyone seems to be on board and the key players will be in LA.. which, with my crowd.. is not necessarily a given!! :)

ok.. well.. i might write before heading off to mexico.. but if not, will be writing from there.. tomorrow we're going to see robin hood and i'm excited.. i think russell crowe plays that type of character really well.. for example.. gladiator's marcus aurelius.. or whatever his name was there :)

hasta la proxima,
cuppy!

and the verdict is...

we officially found out a few hours ago that puncakes is a baby GIRL!!!!!! in all honesty.. both jeremy and me were pretty sure we were going to have a boy.. just goes to show you that intuition is not always right.. we are so happy though!! :) there's nothing like the bond between a daddy and his little girl.. no matter how old she may be.. it's completely unique and i am a firm believer that it shapes her male relationships throughout her life.. i am lucky enough to be very close to my own daddy-o.. and this isn't meant to sound weird or anything.. but jeremy seriously has many of the same traits.. i have absolutely no doubt that he will be the best daddy to puncakes.. and i can't wait to see him fall in love and be wrapped around her teeny tiny pudgy little finger..

is it too early to start thinking about her father/daughter dance??

cuppy :)

looking for the "money shot"

today is monday may 3rd.. which means that tomorrow is tuesday may 4th.. the day that we could potentially find out if puncakes is a baby boy or girl, assuming baby cooperates.. i can say that i'm super excited.. but i don't think that gets the real emotion across.. i've known i was pregnant since the end of january.. i'm not necessarily showing just yet, since i had my belly from before hand so i can't put the "blame" on puncakes for that.. but anyway.. back to what i was saying - so even though we've known we've been pregnant for over 3 months now.. and since then.. we've done the ultrasounds.. seen the sonograms and.. most importantly.. heard the heartbeat - with all that being said, tomorrow makes puncakes that much more real to me.. i don't know why.. but actually calling the baby by the names we've chosen would just solidify this whole process.. i love calling baby puncakes.. and i'm sure that we will continue doing that even after baby's born.. but after tomorrow.. i will say baby lyla.. or baby quinn.. those are the names we're going with for girl and boy (respectively).. lyla we've been sold on for quite some time so i'm fairly certain it will stick.. for the boy's names.. we've gone from liam.. to luca.. and as of last week.. quinn.. the middle name will be maximus either way.. :)

so yeah.. i'm excited.. and i cannot wait.. but i still have 21 hours to go.. so until then, i'll have to find ways to keep myself occupied.. it's funny.. did i tell you that i've already lost my identity ever since we told friends and family we were expecting?? it's odd.. jeremy is still being called jeremy.. no one's called me by my name in months.. i'm just "mama" now.. and i've been told it only gets worse.. when they go to school.. you're literally just bla bla's mom.. maybe i'll get used to it.. but for now.. i keep repeating my name after they say mama.. most of my closest friends don't have babies yet.. so i'm sure that i will be returning the favor at some point soon.. until then though.. i guess i'll just have to embrace this

in the next week or two (or 3).. i'm supposed to feel the baby kick.. i don't really have any idea what that feels like.. so i've been doing my research, as usual.. and it's described as "quickening".. kind of like a butterfly going off in your belly.. doesn't that sound super strange?? yeah.. i think so too.. others say it feels like popcorn popping and finally.. i've also read that it feels like gas and it's very hard to differentiate the two.. but eventually it all becomes crystal clear.. especially once the baby gets bigger and stronger.. maybe we'll even see hand and foot prints towards the last few weeks.. that would completely freak me out.. or maybe i'll think it's cute by then?? who knows.. emotions are all over the place during this time..

well, this is all for today - next time i write, i hope to be calling puncakes by their upcoming given name...

might as well sign off with what we've been talking about..
lyla's mama / quinn's mama

:)

sometimes too much research is not a great thing..

i went to the dentist today and got a cleaning.. here's a little secret about me.. i hate flossing.. i do it because i have to.. and in reality.. i don't do it half as much as i should.. and obviously.. you can't lie about that.. so i got called out on it.. and i know she's right.. so mark my words.. i will do a better job starting today.. it seems that there's a thing called "pregnancy gingivitis" and there's no way in hell that i want to get that.. imagine that on top of everything else??

speaking of everything else.. i know you don't know me very well.. at least most of you don't.. so here's something that is important information.. i'm a research freak.. i like to know as much as possible about anything that i might be experiencing.. in this case.. childbirth.. since i have NO clue what will really be going down.. i've been doing my research.. and honestly, there is such a thing as knowing a little too much.. feel free to stop reading at this point because i'm about to tell you something that most people had NO idea about.. ok.. if you're still reading, it's at your own peril.. so here we go.. did you know that after you've been pushing for hours.. and finally see that teeny tiny baby.. your work is not done.. that's where all the movies end.. that's what most of your friends have probably told you.. but guess what.. you're not done because you still need to push out the placenta!!!!! have you heard of such a thing????? yeah.. me either.. so you get the cute baby and then you push for another 15 minutes or so.. and get this placenta out.. i'm told it kind of looks like a deflated water balloon.. how sexy is that?? barf barf barf.

i wanted to share this information with you because as i said in the beginning.. this blog will be unfiltered.. i'm not here to sugarcoat pregnancy.. we've all heard all the wonderful parts time and time again.. i'm just here to spread information.. as i find it out.. i'm sure that there is just so much that i have yet to discover.. but readers.. believe me when i tell you that i will share that information with you.. that's a promise.. i will warn you ahead of time though.. i'm not here to shock you or to make you throw up your lunch :)

cuppy

having a belly is acceptable.. but ONLY during pregnancy

forgive me for repeating the following, if i am indeed repeating it.. but did i mention my insane shopping spree at the maternity store last week?? honestly.. you'd think i was in the desert and just saw water.. i full on went nuts.. and by nuts.. i mean i spent more money than i have spent on clothes in years.. in my defense.. because, hey.. i have to stick up for myself sometimes.. so in my defense, i haven't really shopped in years, if you're wondering why.. it's simple.. we ladies, we like to do this thing that when we're a size we don't like.. we just don't buy anything in that size and walk around uncomfortably until we decide to do something about it.. this is a strategy that hardly ever works.. but still.. one that i am a full subscriber to.. so, at the maternity store, i bought all the cute stuff i haven't been buying for years.. cargo pants.. shorts.. cute tops.. pants.. a pair of jeans.. other pants.. dresses.. i could go on and on and on.. and i also rationalized by saying i would be wearing this stuff afterwards as well.. which isn't to say that i plan on not losing weight.. but honestly.. have you seen how cute maternity clothes are these days?? even major brands make clothes for the one time in your life where it seems it is acceptable to be "heavier".. all those jeans that go up to a size 12 max (rock & republic.. seven for all mankind.. you know which ones i'm talking about).. anyway.. turns out they make jeans for pregnant women too.. i just don't understand why they can't service all the in-between sizes.. i mean.. honestly.. it's ridiculous..

ok.. i'm done with that rant.. today marks 17 weeks.. which means that puncakes is now 5 ounces and 5 inches from crown to rump.. or like we adults call it.. head to toe.. AND the major development is that the skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone.. baby is becoming more real by the day!! :) one more thing about puncakes.. by this time next week.. we could possibly know if puncakes is a he or a she.. how cool is that going to be?? i am taking all the mommy advice to heart.. they say to drink something cold and with sugar before the ultrasound so that we can get the "money shot".. isn't that a lovely way of describing it.. but still.. fingers crossed!! :)

well.. i'm off to run some errands.. or more likely.. to kill a few hours before the hubs comes home.. hope everyone's having a good week so far..

cuppy :)

information overload...

so.. last night i get a call from my doctor's office.. they say.. sorry.. but we have some bad news about your last blood test.. and i'm thinking.. oh oh.. this is where this all goes downhill.. so i take a deep breath and ask what the problem is.. this was a blood test for the second trimester screening.. it is meant to be taken between 15 weeks and 18 weeks (i believe).. turns out that they drew my blood at 14 weeks and 6 days.. and i guess one day.. makes a HUGE difference.. can you sense my sarcasm?

anyway.. i went in.. got it done.. and for the first time in i don't know how many blood tests.. the nurse actually found my vein on the first try.. and i think that i might get away without a giant black and blue this time.. fingers crossed!! afterwards, i treated myself to a fruit cup.. and it was fantastic!! :)

other than that, all's been well.. i am planning on visiting my family next month in mexico and we will have a baby shower while i'm there.. and then another one when i come back here.. but that's not till summertime.. anyway, i was looking at baby stuff online, because.. why not? i have all the time in the world.. my friends and husband have jobs.. and i need to find ways to entertain myself.. anyway.. it's insane how many stroller brands are out there.. honestly.. click here for a list and a short breakdown of what's what and which parent's lifestyle fits with which stroller.. it's insane! anyway.. all i really want is a stroller that the baby will be comfortable in.. that i can store baby's stuff under.. and.. that's not so heavy that i want to die every time i lift it and put it down.. and then.. that's not enough.. they even sell "travel systems".. ever heard of those?? nope.. me either.. well.. that's when you do the stroller / car seat combo.. you know.. so you can be color coordinated and so on..

it's actually kind of crazy how much baby info there is out there.. the more i read, the more stuff i think i have to buy.. so i will put it in writing.. and when i start shopping.. if you see me veer too far off this list.. feel free to call me out.. ok.. so here's what i think we need in terms of products (clothes, diapers, bottles, diaper cream, blankets, stuffed animal or two.. are a given.. here's what else we need):
1. car seat - ideally that goes from newborn to whatever the maximum age is.. most newborn car seats seem to go to 1 year and according to research need to be rear-facing for that first year.. oh yeah.. i also want the material to come off the car seat so i can actually wash it.. something tells me babies are a bit on the messy side :)
2. stroller
3. changing table
4. bassinet (i think someone's letting us borrow this part)
5. crib (just wait till i start the research on this one.. i know that the ones where the bars actually come down are no longer being manufactured.. so whichever we get.. i will need to be able to get my 5'1" frame over the bars to reach puncakes
6. baby swing (it's the only product that's been recommended by every single mom)
7. bouncy chair (i'm debating if we need this one.. i feel like a swing might be enough.. but we'll see)

ok.. so that's all i can think of.. if there are any mamas or papas reading this and thinking.. omg.. she has no clue.. feel free to share!! :)

well.. guess it's off to lunch for me.. later readers!

cuppy :)

my little caterpillar

readers - so i have news.. remember that whole dilemma about interviewing and being preggers and all that jazz.. it's all done.. the position is not mine so back to focusing on the baby! :) a part of me is a bit disappointed.. only because if i'm not qualified for this position.. then i can't imagine what i am qualified for.. but the other part of me.. the ever growing part of me is a bit relieved.. i have always wanted to stay home with my baby.. and at this point.. i don't exactly have any other choice.. plus, the fact that newborn care is super expensive.. and if i don't have a job that pays well.. then there's really no point if all the money goes just for childcare.. know what i'm saying??

today marks 16 weeks.. and according to babycenter puncakes is the size of an avocado and for the next few weeks will be doubling in weight.. and increasing in length!! and even more importantly (or maybe really not) puncakes now has toenails!!!! is it just me that finds that exciting?? yes, probably..

i turned 33 this past weekend.. as i mentioned in my last post, we did the grown up thing and had dinner.. i also ended up having, what we call in my parts, a "mexican beer".. know what is?? i will paint the picture.. imagine a hot day.. you're all sweaty and feeling gross.. on a day like that.. there's nothing that tastes better than an ice-cold beer.. in a chilled glass.. with a salt rim and some lemon juice.. are you drooling yet?? that's exactly what i had.. and no one report me.. it was a non-alcoholic beer (o'douls) and it tasted FANTASTIC!!! i almost bought myself a 6-pack of o'douls today.. but that may be going just a bit overboard..

jeremy got me the cutest charm to add to a bracelet he bought me years ago (valentine's 2007).. on our wedding day, he bought me a little pink cupcake (for obvious reasons).. and this last weekend.. a really dainty butterfly.. i asked if it was supposed to represent anything.. and you know what he said?? he said a butterfly starts off as an egg.. then a caterpillar and eventually becomes a beautiful butterfly.. and guess who that sounds similar to??? yup.. puncakes!!! how cute is that?? my little caterpillar is slowly becoming a beautiful baby.. love love :)

cuppy!

week 15

today marks the first day of our 15th week - what does this mean exactly? well, in the last few weeks puncakes has grown by leaps and bounds.. currently the size of an apple! in addition to that, puncakes can now pee (yup... that makes me feel all warm inside).. can make faces (grimace, smile, scowl).. and is currently growing eyelashes! on top of all that.. though puncakes' eyes are still shut.. if i shine a flashlight on my belly today, it will instinctively try to move away from the light.. i will definitely try that experiment a little later.. maybe when it can react to that light with a kick or a punch.. it'll be a game! :)

other than that.. we're firmly and solidly in our second trimester now.. and honestly, what a DIFFERENCE!! i've been able to sleep.. i've been able to enjoy food again (hopefully not too much) and i've been feeling much better all around.. they all say this happens around this time.. but when you're in the middle of wanting to die in weeks 6, 7, 8 and so on.. it doesn't seem like this time will ever come.. but here it is.. and thank goodness!!

that job that i wrote about last time is still up in the air.. i'm supposed to hear back at the end of this week if i will be moving on to round 2.. the reality is that i did as well as i could have.. i was honest.. well, as honest as i could be without mentioning my growing belly.. and should they choose to go another route.. i will take that as a sign to stay home with baby for at least the first 6 months.. i still believe that everything does happen for a reason.. and that we are exactly where we're supposed to be in our lives.. so if this is in the cards.. then i will enjoy staying home with my first baby.. what's better than that?? :)

my birthday's coming up this weekend.. i turn the big 33.. we'll probably be laying low (dinner with friends like grownups tend to do) and as long as i get my strawberry shortcake i'll be good to go.. that's been my favorite cake since foreverrrrrr and hopefully jeremy will buy a giant cake and then i can have leftovers for breakfast, lunch and dinner.. notice the discrepancy?? earlier i mentioned that i hope that i don't enjoy food TOO much.. and here i am.. planning cake for every single meal.. sometimes even i don't understand myself.. oh well.. but on a positive note.. i haven't gained weight yet.. lost 8 pounds in my first trimester.. and this last visit (yesterday).. went up about 2 pounds.. so i'm still at -6.. which technically leaves me room for shortcake!!! :)

the reality of puncakes is slowly starting to sink in.. i still have moments of "NO WAY!".. but those are getting fewer and farther in between.. maybe my brain has caught up with my body? i don't know.. this week, we made things even more official by signing up for our prenatal education classes.. sounds fancy, i know.. but we'll be doing a birthing series.. consisting of breathing techniques and pain management stuff.. and this also includes a maternity tour.. yay!!!!! not sure if they'll take us to where all the little babies are, but i hope so!! :) the other two classes we signed up for are a breastfeeding class.. supposedly it's a lot harder than it looks.. we'll see about that.. i've been pretty well endowed ever since i could have boobs.. i've had them.. so if they're not functional after all this time.. words will be had! finally.. we'll be taking a newborn care class.. that's the one i'm probably most excited about.. i have no clue about teeny tiny babies.. and neither does jeremy.. we'll be needing all the tips we can get in a 3-hour class.. as long as they show me how to burp the baby, bathe the baby and diaper the baby.. i'll be good to go :)

ok.. that's enough writing for now.. on may 5th we get to go in for a part of our second trimester screening.. if puncakes cooperates we'll even be able to officially say HE or SHE.. fingers crossed.. let me put this in writing.. so you'll all see it.. i have a feeling it's a boy.. as does jeremy.. my bbf.. she's been calling puncakes "she" from the get-go.. we've done the old wives' tales and don't come up with anything definitive.. boy according to the chinese calendar.. girl according to the mayans.. girl according to holding my wedding band over my belly with a string (goes side to side).. boy according to hair growth (no need to get into that).. girl according to my imperfect complexion.. and so on.. and so forth.. basically puncakes is a baby of mystery.. hopefully we'll be able to crack the code on the 5th!!!

wish us luck..

cuppy :)

and the odds are..

hi - it's been a crazy few weeks and i apologize to my readers (hey, let me dream) for not updating sooner.. did i mention that i haven't slept through the night in over a month?? yeah, initially i thought it was the jet lag.. but i've always traveled well.. so during one of my loooooong and restless nights.. i decided to google sleep problems in the first trimester.. and guess what?? it afflicts over 70% of us.. from mild to severe.. for someone that's never had sleep problems, i was baffled - i read everything.. tried everything.. and you know what eventually ended up working? our last weekend in phoenix, arizona.

jeremy is a HUGE dodger fan.. and yet he's never been to spring training, so since the dodgers moved their facilities to phoenix, we decided to go for the weekend.. not being a baseball lover myself, i have to say that i had a great time.. we got there friday night.. i slept for about 3-4 hours.. (from 5-6:30 and then again till 8:30).. we spent the ENTIRE day at the baseball facility, hanging out with friends.. watching them drink lovely margaritas and beers.. i consoled myself with an ice-cold lemonade.. it actually did the trick! :) afterwards, we went out for an early dinner and ended up back at someone's house who lives in arizona.. actually the sister of one of jeremy's co-workers.. for those of you that live in LA or NYC, you understand how crazy it is when we walk into homes in other cities.. in all honesty.. her house is HUGE.. 5 bedrooms.. with the option of a 6th.. giant bathrooms.. walk-in closets.. for a couple and their dog.. and a snake.. they plan on filling the house with kids.. but can you even fathom all that space?? living in a one bedroom, it's hard for me to imagine.. maybe one day.. anywayyyy.. we got back to our hotel room at about midnight and i was EXHAUSTED!! i thought.. yes, this is it.. i will sleep through the night tonight for sure!! i was wrong.. another few hours here and there.. and then.. wait for it.. two nights ago (sunday night).. i slept through the entire night.. i didn't want to chance it.. maybe it was a fluke.. but it happened again last night.. can i tell you how excited i am??? i feel like me again!!! :)

so.. the test.. we went in last week for that BUN test.. sometimes also called an NT test.. or something like that.. anyway.. i'm 32.. so right off the bat.. my odds of a baby with a genetic issue.. is that the PC way of saying that?? anyway.. my odds of having a child with any sort of genetic problem was 1 in 380.. based on my age alone.. i guess we're supposed to be having kids in our 20's.. maybe my mom wasn't wrong... lol.. oh well :P anyway.. they then did the ultrasound where they managed to jiggle my belly around so puncakes would move around and show them that it indeed had two arms, two legs.. one belly.. and whatever else they were checking for.. we even heard the heartbeat!!! it was super fast 170 beats per minute (bpm) and when i heard it.. i had a moment of HOLY SH*T.. there's really someone in there!!!! i know, i've had almost 2 months to adjust to the positive pregnancy test.. but i just can't imagine that there's an actual baby in my belly.. that at this time next year.. said baby will be almost 6 months old.. honestly, isn't that insane????

ok.. back to the test.. so after they did the ultrasound and the doctor checked it all out.. they told me my odds were now 1 in 2000.. basically moving in the right direction! :) since i had my blood test done previously.. they called my OBGYN and factored in the blood test which then dropped my odds to 1 in 8000 something.. how awesome is that?? i'm super relieved to hear those numbers.. and though i didn't really picture it going any other way.. it's still crazy to believe that there are parents that are going to go into that appointment super happy and giddy about being pregnant.. and not all of us will be lucky enough to hear such good news.. trust me, i'm very well aware of how lucky we are.. thank you.. thank you.. that's really all i can say..

before i sign off.. i have an update on that ethical dilemma from last time.. as you know, i've been unemployed for the last 18 months.. it's been hard.. it's been frustrating and at times.. it's been lonely and depressing.. i have handled it as best as i know how.. but obviously i am still applying to jobs.. in the hopes that someone somewhere sees my resume.. and guess what?? today.. i got a call... and next week i have an interview.. i will be interviewing with 3 different people.. one's in HR.. one's the person who this position reports to.. and the last is a VP.. this was all just hypothetical in the last post.. but now this is real and coming up.. so i'm debating who to tell.. i know that legally i don't have to say anything to anyone.. supposedly i can wait for a job offer.. accept.. start the job and THEN mention.. oh hey.. guess what? i'll be going on maternity in about 5 months.. for me, that doesn't seem like the best option.. i would like to be honest.. but i also want to be in the running for this position.. so the question is.. when do i say something.. and to whom?? jeremy and i debated it.. we both agree that if the interviews are going well.. then i should mention something to the person that i would be reporting to (if hired).. my bff says that i should try to find out how many rounds of interviews there are.. and if more than this one.. wait till i'm in the final set of candidates standing.. i understand that logic as well.. so cyberspace.. any thoughts??

confused cuppycake

one down, bigger one to come..

today is march 15th - meaning that i went in and got that ultrasound that i was kind of nervous about.. but not to worry, all is well!! puncakes is even starting to look like a real baby.. teeny tiny bent legs and all, super cute!! the last few days have been rough.. with jet lag and a lovely cold i have been a complete mess - slept all day yesterday and therefore am back on my european inner clock.. though i was never even really on it while there, go figure. i will be taking benadryl tonight, turns out that's allowed even in the first trimester, so yay!! :)

so the test next week, on the 25th specifically is called the BUN test (i guess i wasn't making that up last time) so now that's what i am stressing about. the thing is that the test doesn't say anything definitive, just tells you how likely down syndrome is based on the fluid behind the neck, my age and whatever other factors go into it. i am going to try to not stress from now till then, it's probably not possible, but i will do my best.

this weekend, we are planning on telling the rest of our family - so far, only our parents know, siblings and super close friends (that may as well be siblings). a part of me wants to tell every single person that i see, but then i don't want to jinx anything.. you hear horror stories all the time and i am hoping to avoid that, though how me talking about it changes anything, i have no idea.. that's just me being paranoid.. so hi, nice to meet you - this is who i am.

a little more about me, i'm currently unemployed and still applying to jobs - i am debating the moral / ethical dilemma of this. the fact is this, i apply to jobs all the time, i hardly ever hear back.. i have had about 4 interviews in over a year but i'm still wondering - should i keep applying? i mean, it's going to be pretty obvious that i'm pregnant soon enough and i can't imagine any company wanting to hire someone that will need to go on maternity leave soon. but another part of me thinks that if i do get an interview in the next month or so, i won't be showing yet so am i obligated to say anything if made an offer?? i don't want to mislead anyone, but i also don't want to screw my own chances over - i keep going back and forth on this, but it's all hypothetical since i need to actually get an interview first and an offer second.

ok - well that's all for now, i made the best dinner ever tonight. the whole time we were in italy i was craving this meal and tonight, i finally made it.. potatoes.. chicken topped with garlic, cilantro, olive oil and lemon juice baked in the oven.. i'm debating going in for round 2.. but i will just have to wait till tomorrow (if possible).

goodnight everyone.. sleep well!

cuppycake

the story behind puncakes

we found out we were pregnant on january 29th, 2010 - after 3 negative pregnancy tests, the 4th came out positive. i was shocked, maybe i shouldn't have been, but i was. when i first saw the faint double lines, i thought "no freaking way, this test can't be right" - so i went and got an easy to read test, simple enough - it says pregnant or not pregnant, guess which one i got?

i guess i shouldn't have been too shocked, i just didn't realize what a fertile combination my husband and i make! we've now been married for a little over a year and were planning on TRYING for a baby in 2010. turns out we're 1/1 which brings us to puncakes.

puncakes is what we have named this baby, it's a combination of what i call him "punkin" and what he calls me "cuppycake" - we think it's cute. next baby will be cuppykin, i'm sure you're all following that train of thought :)

as i write this, we are approximately 10 weeks and 3 days along - morning sickness has reared its occasional head as well as bloating, constipation and gas - this is a very sexy time for me. speaking of sexy times, we just got back from our long-planned honeymoon! we had our trip planned for over 7 months, we thought it would be just the two of us, but puncakes came along and behaved for the most part. we went to roma, firenze, cinque terre and ended with milano - it was a fantastic time for the three of us.

about jeremy - he's my baby daddy, he's also my husband and best friend. i lovers him with everything that i have and i cannot imagine raising a family with anyone else. i am very close to my own daddy-o and i know how important a good father figure is for the development of a child (at least it has been in my experience). we are both a little overwhelmed at this pregnancy and i sometimes feel bad for him because of all the ridiculous questions that i have, but honestly.. when baby poops / pukes / farts, where does it go?? i can't imagine i'm the first mama-to-be that wonders that.

since we just came back from italy, our next ultrasound is a very important one for us. i go in on monday march 15th which will mark us just short of 11 weeks. i have done my research, i'm generally a pretty curious (or nosy, whichever you prefer) person so i know that statistically, we are not in the clear yet. i am hoping that all goes well on the 15th and that puncakes decides to stay with us forever and ever and ever. it's funny how all my stress is for the 15th when there is an even bigger test on the 25th - but the way i figure it goes like this, if the 15th doesn't go well, then the 25th won't matter. what happens on the 25th? i am not going to pretend i know the technical name (maybe it's a BUN test, i might have just made that up??) but basically, they're going to go in there and check something in the neck which will signify the likelihood of a baby with down syndrome - honestly, i had no idea they could check for that so early on, but i guess 12 + weeks is when that test happens.

i hope to slowly learn the lingo and what goes on in the next few months, as you can probably tell, i'm not very well-versed in this whole pregnancy thing, but i guess all mamas started out this way? oh, here's a fun fact for everyone that has not had a baby yet, did you know that they calculate the 40 weeks of pregnancy based on your last period?? how odd is that?? so basically you are 2 weeks pregnant BEFORE you are actually pregnant, it's confusing, i know.. but that's seriously how they do it. that is, unless you know your specific conception date which is not that common it seems (january 9th in our case.. hands down, 100% sure - is that too much information??)

ok reader (or readers dare i say?) - i will continue to update this with any questions or thoughts i will have in the upcoming days, weeks and months. i hope that this blog entertains you, educates you and / or makes you shake your head in amazement (whether it's the ridiculousness of my questions or anything else that may come up in the next few months).

cuppycake